a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done (or has not happened or been done)
So, this is how it feels. This is how it feels to lose somebody before you can ever get a grip of that person for the very last time.
If we can turn back time, would it make a difference if I kept us close just like we used to be? If you knew you are significant to somebody’s life, would it change your perspective? What if I was there in the last hours to listen like I used to? Now, I will never ever have a chance to be there again, to at least make up for the things I missed. What haunts me the most are those times I kept on setting things aside- I failed to keep you even as a friend. We went separate ways, the situation and timing are too difficult to stay the same. This is how it feels.
The least I can do now is to share to someone not to do the mistake that I did- to never take advantage of anyone who tries to be a part of your life. I was delaying so many things between us thinking it’s just always there. I learned the tragic way. What gets me through is our memories together- those long walks to random places, shared laughs, our songs, and serious talks, easily seeing through each other. Those eyes and smiles.
God never makes a mistake; never wastes a pain; and never does a thing without a purpose. This will all make perfect sense someday. I hope you look out for me now just like the old times. Rest easy, brother, no more worries.
I remember one time last year, my mother went home all weak, weeping. Did not have a bit of idea why she was, then she looked me in the eye and I saw pain I have never seen before. “I lost my best friend. I love him, anak.” That one scene never made a point until today. Maybe, she never stopped loving him in a different way. Maybe, she kept him a place in her heart. Maybe, I wordlessly do the same.
But, here we are now.
T’is how regret feels.