The Start: A Year Ago From Now

by Ernestine

A blog drafted 24th of April, 2015.

I think never before have I ever looked at someone right in the eye and think at the moment of my future with him. I have been into flings and some serious affairs but this time around, I can say, is the first time that I’ve hoped of settling down with a person. Maybe this is growing up? I remember asking God the last time that I broke down that the next guy that I’d meet would be His best, if He wills. I’ve waited and took my time for I wasn’t ready. My unreadiness had gone to a point that I didn’t believe in love anymore, well, not that high school kind of disbelief, so to speak. I lost faith in loving a special person, and so I got bitter for a long time. I willed to compose myself, to live by myself without needing somebody to cling on. I made time to make myself whole again, tried to get back to the old better version of myself without forgetting everything I learnt in the present. I realized I didn’t have to be hard on myself. Til then I claimed that there would be a guy who would make me believe in love again, that I’d wait, no matter what it takes.

It’s too soon to speak, but I guess he’s the guy that I want to spend the rest of my life with. We have yet a lot to discover in ourselves, with each other, but he’s the guy that I would accept for a lifetime. To me, imperfections make a person all the more worthy to be loved. I like that there’s something to unlike yet adjust to. I’m finally learning to give and take– letting him do his job and also making my turns. I’m learning to compromise. I haven’t fallen yet, but I feel a thump in my heart every time he’s around and even when he’s just in my head.