“So, what’s up with you and the guy you just dated last week?” “Listen, I’m now so sure about him… He’s the one!”
I got inspired to write by the Word I’ve heard from the mass last Sunday. It tells about the way you could attract the right person in your life– not the “jerks and jerkettes”. The preaching made me think about where I am right now, and deeply so of my risks and hardships all before this person that I am with now came into my life. I can’t be more grateful God has given me a man to whom my flaws and strengths would complement with. Well, going back to that short conversation up there, these are the typical lines that you would hear from gradeschoolers who swear they are in love (no offense!) to young adults who lock up their worlds to the new found man of their dreams. Looking back, you could even hear yourself saying the same things!
I don’t spare myself from the guilt for I have experienced this scene myself years ago. I was head over heels about some guy, really thought he’s the one I was long dreaming of. Nevermind the flaws, I examined everything about him and didn’t care about how vulnerable I was until after a short while, the truth was handed on a silver platter. The truth is I got cheated on. Well, nothing was official so there’s nothing like cheating. And so the bitterness got its toll on me.
I was angry, so angry, not just about him but mostly about myself for having a hard time moving on. Well, nothing was official so there’s nothing like moving on. (Didn’t I just say that? Oh, I already said that.) I’ve spent days, weeks, and months, trying to squeeze whatever there is to squeeze just for me to get the beauty in what I’ve experienced. You know what they say, there’s always a bright side of the story. Everything was vague until it was almost turning a year, when I could finally feel the enlightenment in me. I felt like I was freed from anger and ready to enjoy my life as it is. I finally felt the urge to embrace my own self and discover things that I have yet to discover in my God-given years, without needing another person to do it for me as I always did. And that was when I knew I was rebuilding myself all those times I thought I was fighting to my own destruction. When I felt all the emotions, mostly pain, the melancholy, asking what was wrong about me. I never knew I was rebuilding myself that time. I used to be so clingy; can’t live without somebody to lean on. Well, if it weren’t for all these, it wouldn’t have lead to filling in the holes I never thought I had. I told myself since then that I don’t need anyone else to complete me, because I already am.
You won’t make your world so small if you knew you can live a life that’s out in the sunshine, a life that’s absolutely better than a boxed one. You can be so sure about devoting your vows to a person but still be willing to seek self growth. Otherwise, risk that little chance you see or drop it all and make yourself whole on your own. Yes, on your own. Until you learn to love yourself, you will then attract a person who will need your love. Somebody just can sense it.
I’m leaving you a question to comprehend as you end this entry, “Are you really whole? Or d’you just need somebody to fill in your past holes?”